Love Despite Insirmountible Odds
by katharineartist
Summary: A sequel to the book "Us and Uncle Fraud" by Lois Lowry. Claude meets a like-minded young woman, Alice McNamara, the free-spirited daughter of a wealthy Texas oil family. Set two years after the book. Rated T for scene of love.
1. Chapter 1

One bright spring day in Houston, Texas, Claude Newbold knocked on the door of a split-level apartment building. A petite young woman with light brown hair and green eyes answered the door.

"Whatever it is, we don't want it." she said.

"But Madam," said Claude. "I'm here to tell you about the C-6000 vacuum cleaner. It can pick up absolutely anything. Perhaps I should tell you…no, I shant tell you of it. It's too horrifying for a young lady of your delicate countenance."  
>"I always thought that a countenance was a kind of wristwatch." The young woman held out her arm. She was wearing a thin gold band with little diamonds all around it. "Is mine too delicate for your story?"<p>

"Far too fragile for this horrifying tale. I guess that I should give up, duly chastened, and slink down the street to find the next house." He picked up his case, and started to turn away.

"Well," said the young woman. "maybe you should try me, before you give up so easily. Horror stories are my passion." She beckoned with her hand. "Come in."  
>Claude picked up his case from the porch step, and came in the house, in the foyer to a room with wood paneled walls, and a sea green love seat. She sat down in the love seat.<p>

"Enthrall me." she said. She crossed her legs.

Claude looked at the floor sadly, clasping his hands. "Well," he said. "I had this beautiful cat, once."  
>"Oh, no." said the young woman in mock horror.<p>

"But you haven't heard the most fantastic part yet. Beautiful as she was, Louise was no small cat. Oh, no. She weighed close to thirty pounds. She did enjoy her cat food, it seemed."  
>"You named your cat Louise?"<br>"After the great museum in Copenhagen. As it were, Louise was a very rotund feline, though very sweet in temper. Anyway, one day, I plugged in the C-6000 vacuum cleaner, and went about my daily chores. And then I heard this terrible…the only words that can describe are…a heartrending crunch, followed by an earsplitting wail. I tell you, Miss..?"  
>"McNamara." said the young woman. "Ms., please. It's the 1980s, even here in the great state of Texas."<p>

"The noise, Ms. McNamara, was enough to wither your very soul. Have you ever heard a noise that withered your very soul, Ms. McNamara?"

"I can't say that I have, sir." Ms. McNamara said with mock sincerity. "But I'm sure you could probably get handicapped plates for a withered soul."

"Well, in spite of the beneficial side of the outcome, I'm afraid Louise died of suffocation. The doctors said that by the time they reached her, it was too late, though she held on valiantly."  
>Ms. McNamara put her hand to her chest, and bit her lip. She shook her head. "May her soul rest in peace." she said, without the slightest hint of insincerity in her soft-spoken Texas accent. But her eyes shined with mischief.<p>

"But the positive side of this tragic outcome, is that this incident, dreadful though it was, demonstrated the awesome power of the C-6000 vacuum. I feel that Louise would have wanted me to soldier on, bravely, and so I do so to this day, to honor her memory."

Ms. McNamara grinned, biting her lip to suppress laughter.

"Would you like me to give you a demonstration of its power?"

"You mean one of those demonstrations where you get to see the actual dirt being vacuumed, and all?" Ms. McNamara leaned forward, widening her eyes.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. This model has a clear cartridge so that you can see exactly what was going into it at all times."  
>"I guess that model wasn't out when you vacuumed up Fluffy."<br>"Sadly, it came off of the line only a month later."  
>"If only you were a little less fastidious about house-cleaning." said Ms. McNamara.<p>

"I am a fastidious man by nature." said Claude. "Would you like to see a demonstration of the C-6000 now?"

"Go to it." said Ms. McNamara. She leaned back in the loveseat, her hands clasped.

Claude gave Ms. McNamara a demonstration of the vacuum cleaner, beginning with the drapes, and then vacuuming the floor, stating in what he hoped was his most eloquent announcer's voice the machines great virtues, and velvet powered motor. Ms. McNamara responded with sugary sweet Texas eagerness, sitting forward, asking questions, and nodding in a most sincere fashion when he explained to her how the cleaner worked. But at the end of it, she stood up, smoothing her skirt over her knees.

"What a scatterbrain I am. The whole time you were giving that moving soliloquy on that amazing machine, I had forgotten. I'm strictly an Oreck user. I have one out there in that little closet."

"Well, it's never too late to switch brands. As a matter of fact, I myself was an Oreck user until I discovered the power of the C-6000."  
>"Were you now?" said Ms. McNamara. "Well, I'm afraid I'm a creature of habit. I have this terrible phobia of trying anything new."<p>

"That's a shame." said Claude. "You don't know what you're missing until you try the C-6000."

"I'm sure." Ms. McNamara said.

"Are you quite certain that you wouldn't change your mind, Ms. McNamara? You'll never be sorry when you buy a C-6000."

"Sorry." she said. "Maybe next time." She walked over to the door, and held it open.

"No apology is needed, madam. Claude the Newbold is unflappable." He took his hat off of his head, and tipped it to her.

Ms. McNamara grinned. "I haven't seen anyone do that since the 1950s."  
>"A decade which I'm certain you would not remember, Ms. McNamara. Unless you are a time traveler or, perhaps a vampire. I hope you are the former, and not the latter, because the latter can be quite disagreeable."<p>

"Really? Have you ever met any of those?"  
>"I am not at liberty to say more."<br>"Is my countenance too delicate to know?"  
>"Far too delicate. The strange creatures that I've encountered on my journeys are a terrifying lot."<br>"I bet." She looked at him. "I never wanted to buy any C-6000, I admit. The reason I sat there and listened to your whole schpiel, sincere though it was, was because I thought that you were cute."  
>"Cute? Do you mean bowlegged, or charming in appearance or manner?" Claude looked at her with alarm.<p>

She smiled. "The latter."  
>"That's a relief." said Claude, looking down at his legs. "For a moment, I had thought that lugging this case of heavy vacuuming equipment had left an irremediable and disfiguring toll."<p>

"I think you're safe for now." she said. "But I'd watch it if I were you. The salesman's life can be quite dangerous on many levels."  
>"As I am well aware." said Claude. "But I thank you for your concern, and of course for your gracious compliment. It's a balm to the wounded soul of a salesman. You can't know how much unkindness I've received."<br>"I'm sure you have many stories to tell about that." said Ms. McNamara. "Maybe you could tell me over dinner some night."  
>"Ms. McNamara," said Claude.<p>

"Alice." she said.

"Ms. Alice McNamara, I would be honored." He bowed to her. She grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

They ate dinner at a dimly lit restaurant with glowing orange candle holders.

"Ms. Alice McNamara." said Claude. "What is your current occupation?"  
>"I work at the library on Hudson Street." Alice said, sipping her chardonnay.<p>

"Do you enjoy your work there?" said Claude.

"I do." Alice said. "I love introducing children to books."  
>"I like children, too. They're easier to relate to than most adults." said Claude.<p>

"Do you have any of your own?"

"Oh, my, no, not a traveling man like me. But I have four nieces and nephews, respectively. Two of each. A pair of boys and a pair of girls."

"Are you close to them?"  
>"Oh, yes, but they live so far away that I don't see them frequently."<br>"That's too bad." Alice said. She looked at him. "A traveling man, huh?"  
>"Yes. I never like to stay in one place for very long. Always new adventures, and new kingdoms to conquer. What about you? I see by your lovely accent that you must have been in Texas for some time."<br>Alice smiled. "I grew up here."

"That is very fortunate for you, my dear. Texas is a fine state. Do you have nieces and nephews also?"  
>"Just my niece Suzanne, but she's almost my age. My brother was twenty-five when I was born."<br>"That's quite a gap." Claude said.

"He practically raised me after my father died. My father had a heart condition, and he was sick a long time."  
>For once, Claude was unsure of what to say. "I'm…very sorry." he said finally. He looked at her. Her green eyes were sad, but she smiled.<p>

"It's okay. He died peacefully, in his sleep." She looked at him. "What about your father?"

"Marcus Newbold. A shopkeeper in northern Pennsylvania. He died of cancer many years ago."  
>"I'm sorry." said Alice.<p>

"He was a man who lacked imagination in many ways. But that isn't to say that I don't wish that he was here." He resumed cutting his steak.

"And you, Claude the Newbold." said Alice, looking at him with consideration. "I can see that you are not a man who lacks imagination."  
>"It is my downfall, I'm afraid. Too much imagination."<br>"I don't think you can ever have too much imagination." Alice said.

"My sister Hallie says that I fill her children's heads with nonsense. But I told her that I fill them with dreams." He looked at her. "I have so many, that if I didn't give them away, my head would explode, and it would make a terrible mess, all those dreams spilling everywhere."  
>"Not to mention all the blood and brain matter." said Alice.<p>

"I can see that you are a person of a very violent nature, Ms. Alice McNamara. Tell me, are those the kind of stories that you tell to the young frequenters of the library?"  
>"Sure. When I was a child, I craved tales of violence and bloodshed. What about you?"<p>

"Only if they were conducted with honor and valor." said Claude.

"Me too. When I was a girl, I always wanted to be a swashbuckler. Vanquish the evil, and rescue men and children."  
>"Men and children?"<p>

"Sure. Who's to say a woman of honor and valor can't rescue a gentleman in distress."  
>"No one, Alice McNamara. Not a soul." He lifted his glass. "Shall we drink to honor and valor? To nobility, and gallantry?"<br>"We shall." They clinked glasses.

"I notice," said Alice on their second dinner. "that you never drink any wine. Are you a Mormon?"  
>"My, Alice McNamara, you are truly a very direct woman. Your mouth must have earned you more than a few stays in the tower."<p>

"At least I had the birds to keep me company." Alice said cheerfully, but bit her lip. "I'm sorry if I offended you."  
>"My dear Alice McNamara. Claude the Newbold never offends." said Claude. "I have been a Mormon since my stay in Salt Lake City three years ago. I worked at the salt packing plant, you see, and the my coworkers always looked so terribly uncomfortable when I'd drink a cup of coffee at break time, that I decided to convert. When in Rome, as they say, or in this case, when in Salt Lake City. So I gave up caffeine and alcohol upon conversion."<p>

"Then you'd better not drink any more of that iced tea." said Alice. "It does have caffeine, you know." She smiled.

Claude looked at the glass. "Does it indeed?" he said. "Well, we're in Houston now, so I should do as the Houstonians do."

"What is your brother like?" Claude asked Alice one night, walking from a movie theatre.

"Hmmm. He's…a very serious kind of a guy. A leader, I guess you'd say. A wise and noble king."  
>"Really? He sounds like a very interesting sort." said Claude.<p>

"He is." Alice said. "What's your sister like?"  
>"Hallie is…always very kind and gentle. She and I were only a year apart as children, and we were very close. We had all of these imaginary kingdoms. Well, I did, and Hallie went along with them. We had our own tree house, and a set of rules for the kingdom in our tree house. All of the other children in the neighborhood grew tired of the language. The rules were too complex for their small minds, I guess."<p>

"Lacking in imagination." Alice said.

"Quite so, quite so. But Hallie was faithful to our kingdom. At least for awhile." Claude looked at a crack in the sidewalk, and traced it with his foot. "But soon, she gave up as well. I guess it got to be too much for her. I never understood why, when we were in the same family, that she didn't believe in the kingdom."  
>"Oh." said Alice. "Well, I wish that I could have been there."<br>"I'm afraid it was short while before your birth, though mind you, just a short one. Perhaps you were there as an angel, hovering above us." said Claude. "Perhaps your memories of us as children are lodged somewhere in your subconscious mind, and do you know what the way to remove them is?"  
>Alice shook her head.<p>

"Hypnosis. Are you willing to undergo hypnosis, Ms. Alice McNamara?"

"Don't tell me that you can do hypnosis, Claude the Newbold?" said Alice.

"I've dabbled in the art. I learned from a very established psychiatrist in Vienna, the birthplace of psychiatry. I spent a year there once."

"You speak German?" Alice said skeptically.

"Of course. I speak Russian as well. Quite fluently, I might add." said Claude.  
>"You're quite a guy, Claude the Newbold." said Alice. She stopped walking, and turned to face him.<p>

"What would my title be?" she said. "In your tree house kingdom?"  
>"Let me give it careful consideration." He looked at her. She smiled at him.<p>

"Smiling isn't allowed in the presence of the king." Claude said sternly. Alice pressed her lips together.

"Sorry. I'll never do it again, your majesty, King Claude the Newbold."  
>"Are you duly chastened?" said Claude.<p>

"Duly chastened, your majesty." said Alice. She looked at him expectantly.

"Good. Your title, forever to be remembered in the annals of history is…Alice the Intrepid. Wise and witty keeper of books." He looked at her, and she smiled.

"Alice the Intrepid." she said. She clasped his hand, and they shook. "_Queen_ Alice the Intrepid?" she asked.

"I'm shocked and scandalized by your boldness, Alice the Intrepid. Being a queen isn't something that you just have handed to you in an instant. Why, it took me years of perilous battles against formidable enemies to become King Claude the Newbold. And now you want to become a queen in an instant."

"Sorry, your majesty. I'm quite duly chastened." She looked at him. "But I think we should seal our covenant, don't you?"  
>"I do." said Claude.<p>

"We don't have any paper to sign with, though, and I'm fresh out of sealing wax." She put her arms around him. Their eyes met, and Alice looked into his eyes, oddly full of childlike innocence for a man of thirty-seven. She kissed his mouth gently, and then more forcefully. He kissed her back, at first tentatively, and then more smoothly. They parted, and he threaded his fingers through her hair.

"History will remember this moment." Claude said, as they resumed walking on the sidewalk.

"And so will all the people on the street." Alice said, smiling.

"Let them see. Just think, they were watching a grand love story unfold, and they didn't even know." Claude said, squeezing her hand.

"Just think." Alice said.

"There's something that I didn't tell you about Hallie and her family." said Claude.

"What is it?" Alice said. They were seated on a couch in her living room.

"Well," said Claude. "It's only that…they don't think much of me. I said that Hallie didn't want me filling her children's heads with nonsense. But the truth is, that none of them…respect me. They all think that I'm a…fraud. Even Louise and Marcus. And the eldest, Tom, especially. One time when he was seven, he came up to me, and said 'Claude the Fraud, Claude the Fraud.' His parents sent him to his room, of course, but I knew where it came from."

"Not Hallie." said Alice.

"No, not Hallie. Her husband, perhaps. He never has liked me." Claude sighed. "I suppose I didn't help things much. When I came there, on several occasions, I was responsible for a dip in their liquor supply."  
>"Maybe…maybe you were imagining it, Claude. I mean you did say that he was seven years old. Children like to rhyme words, and they love to tease about names, but it doesn't actually mean anything to them. I know these things, I deal with kids all the time."<br>"Maybe." Claude said. "But it's true that they look down upon me, Alice. It's because I…I have many traveling adventures, and…well, I keep telling them that I'm going to make my fortune. But I never have, and they think that I'm a fool."

"I'm sure they don't." said Alice.

"They do. And…that's partly why I haven't been back, to see them, because…I want to be someone when I come back."

Alice looked at the carpet, not saying anything.

"My most lofty dream is," said Claude. 'that I'll be able to come there, and to…be someone important. Be able to take them out to dinner for a change, and to be able to buy Marcus, and Louise, and Stephanie nice things. Fabulously nice things." He looked at her.

"What about Tom?" said Alice smiling at him. "Don't you want to give Tom nice presents, too?"

"Well…maybe Tom, too." Claude said, smiling a little. "But more than that, I want to have their respect, Alice."  
>"Well," said Alice. "You don't need to be rich to earn people's respect, Claude. Having money doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have people's respect, and even if it did…you'd never feel like you earned it."<br>"I suppose." said Claude.

"Well," said Alice. "My brother doesn't respect me. He doesn't think working in the library is…worthy of my intellect. He still treats me like a child, even though I'm twenty-six years old. He has some very…old-fashioned ideas about things in many ways. He's definitely lacking in imagination. But I don't let it bother me, Claude. Because I know that deep down, he loves me, and besides that, it doesn't matter what he thinks of me, only what _I_ think of myself."

"I'm sure." said Claude. "But I don't know if I could be that philosophical."  
>"Well, you can learn." said Alice. "I have. I didn't used to be philosophical, either."<p>

"I was thinking," said Claude. "that I'd love for them to meet you."

Alice smiled. She kissed his cheek, and then moved to his lips. She stroked his back, and left a trail of kisses down to his neck, and then opened the collar of his shirt. Claude groaned softly, then sat up, and looked at her.

"You're absolutely right." said Claude, addressing a phantom remark. "On such a crucial occasion as this one, King Claude the Newbold should carry Alice the Intrepid into the bedchamber, as befits royalty."  
>"Who, you or me?" said Alice.<p>

Claude pressed a finger to his lips. "Shhh. This moment should be met with complete reverential silence, Alice the Intrepid." He got up off of the couch, and grasped her legs firmly, pulling her up from the couch. Alice put her arms around his neck, and smiled.

"Don't drop me." she said.

"Why Alice the Intrepid," said Claude. "You must indeed be intrepid and courageous, to have such confidence in a king's clemency. There have been beheadings for less things than doubting the king's agility." They walked into the bedroom. Claude set Alice down on the bed. He sat down on the bed, and leaned over her.

"Claude the Newbold." Alice said, looking up at him. Claude gazed back at her.

"Alice the Intrepid." he said.

"I think," said Claude, later that night, in bed. "that…I never expected to meet anyone like you."

"I never expected to meet anyone like you either, Claude the Newbold." said Alice. "But then again, I don't think that there is anyone…quite like you."


	3. Chapter 3

Claude and Alice had been dating for two months. One day, Alice was staying over at his apartment, which was really not very big or densely furnished by any means. Alice did not care, however, big ornate houses did not set well with her. While he was asleep, Alice padded through the living room, on her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. After she poured the glass of water, she sat down at the kitchen table to drink it. As she drank from the glass, Alice noticed a small slip of paper resting on the table. Curious, she picked it up.

"_Wie geht es Ihnen, meine Nichte und Neffe?_"the note read. Alice smiled. "I am here in the great state of Texas. I am the executiv sales maniger for the C-6000 vaucum company."

Alice frowned.

"The sun is shinning hear in Housten…" Alice cringed at the glaring mistakes. She read further. "and I have met a very intristing lady. She is a grand advinturer (advinturess?) and the valient bookeeper for the Housten public libary, in between grand escapades of conquring. Some time I will come back, and she can meet the two of you. She is grately intristed in the tales of our advintures."  
>Alice bit her lip, and put the note down abruptly. How could a man so garrulously eloquent, so expert at spinning grandiose tales verbally, be so crippled when it came to spelling?<p>

Alice was embarrassed for him, and the note was painful to read.

"Did you know," said Alice the next day. "that I considered becoming a teacher?"  
>"You don't say." said Claude.<p>

"How do you feel about teachers?" Alice looked at him.

"Wicked and deformed lot. Teachers. They were always ready with a ruler to rap my knuckles with."  
>Alice laughed. Claude looked at her with consideration. "And they never came close to anything even approaching your beauty. They were all misshapen trolls, and crones, and even the occasional goblin."<p>

Alice smiled, shaking her head. "I'm sure." she said. "I'm sure they were."

"I find it hard to believe, Alice the Intrepid, that you once considered, even for a moment, becoming one of those evil harridans."  
>Alice sighed. "Well, the truth is that I thought about how if I became a teacher, I wouldn't get to help the kids have fun. They would think of me as the…voice of doom. Plus, I didn't like the idea of being cooped up in a classroom all day, every day. So I decided I was better off in the library. That way, I could introduce people to books, and the world of reading." She sighed, and crossed her arms. "But…but teachers aren't <em>evil<em>, Claude. What they do is one of the most important jobs in the world. They help children learn."  
>"The way to learn, my dear Alice, is to go out in the world and <em>do<em>, not to sit in a classroom all day. So they are evil, and the practice of teaching in a classroom should be abolished, and the entire system uprooted."

Alice looked at him, and sighed. "My, well, you certainly do have a great many strong opinions on this subject." she said.

And that, it seemed, was that.

Later that week, Alice ate dinner with her brother. Ernest McNamara had taken over the McNamara Oil Company sixteen years ago, upon the death of their father, John Ulysses McNamara III. John had married Helene Van Camp, a socialite from the Upper West Side of New York, and the mother of Ernest. She had died of a cerebral hemorrhage in 1957, and a year later, John had married Lucille O'Reilly, a beautiful hostess at an upscale restaurant who was thirty years his junior. Lucille had given birth to Alice, but two months before Alice's second birthday, Lucille had left Alice's father for an aspiring actor, and had taken off to California.

Alice had been ten years old when her father had died, and Ernest and his wife had taken her in when her mother could not be reached.

Now divorced, Ernest threw a great deal of energy and time into running the family business, and the rest of his time into nagging her.

At dinner, Ernest clasped his hands. "Well," he said. "I have some wonderful news. Suzanne is engaged."  
>"Oh." Alice said. "Well, that's wonderful. Tell her I said congratulations."<p>

"Yes." Ernest said. There was a silence. "Well. I trust that things are going well in the local library?"  
>Alice bit her lip. She knew where this was going. "Very well."<br>"Well," Ernest said. "That's very good. But we could use someone of your skills at McNamara Oil. The people I have working for me now are blundering idiots, sad to say."  
>"Oh, I'm sure that they're not all idiots, Ernest." Alice said, dabbing at the corners of her mouth with her napkin.<p>

"The lot of them are. That business degree that I paid an exorbitant amount of money for you to get is going to waste stacking shelves in a library."  
>"I changed majors in college, Ernest, remember? I don't have a business degree."<p>

"Well, half of one is better than none at all. Alice, working in a library is for small time people. I mean, if reading stories to children is something you enjoy, that's fine. But it's not a career. If you want to be a storyteller, do volunteer work." He sipped his wine. "You have every advantage, Alice, and you're not using any of them."

"That's what you think." Alice said.

"I had dinner with my brother last night." Alice said, lying next to Claude, his arms wound around her. "My niece is getting married in August."

"That's nice." he said sleepily.

"And…he gave me the usual schpiel. About how he wants me to…work for him." She shifted, and gazed out the window, lost in thought.

"What does he do? Your brother?" Claude said. "You never told me."

Alice hesitated. "He…he's in oil."  
>"Difficult business to shake hands with a person who's in oil. I imagine that they would be very slick, don't you?"<br>Alice sighed. "Yeah. He's…slick." She bit her lip, and turned to face him. "How do…how do you feel about that? About his being in oil, I mean."

"I greatly respect those that work in oil. In fact, I myself once worked for an oil corporation."  
>"Really?" said Alice.<p>

"Indeed. I was a major stockholder in the Abu Ben Shah company. It's located in Saudi Arabia. Have you ever been to Saudi Arabia, Alice the Intrepid?"  
>"No." Alice sighed.<p>

"Well, did you know that their greatest means of transportation are camels? Difficult business riding a dromedary, but did you know that it mainly requires strength of the sartorial muscles?" He encircled her leg with his own.

"Oh, for heavens sake!" Alice sat up in bed. "Major stockholder in the Abu Ben Shah company. Can't you ever be serious, Claude?"  
>"I am serious. I was a stockholder. Matthew, my brother-in-law didn't believe me either. But they were an up and coming company."<p>

Alice looked away. "Look, Claude…I…wonder how you feel about…my worth."  
>"Your…worth?" said Claude, looking at her as though she was speaking Swahili.<p>

"Yes." she said. "Look, not all of my previous boyfriends had the most noble motivations."

"And I'm to take this to mean that you think that I'm…Claude the Prospector?" He looked at her, a hurt expression in his eyes.

"No, Claude…." Alice said. "It's just that…you did say that you wanted to make a fortune, and I…" He was shaking his head. "Claude-"

"Claude the Newbold," he announced. "does not seek his fortune by the goodwill of others, but rather by hard work and dogged pursuit." He got up from the bed and put his shirt on.

"Claude, wait. Don't go. I…" Claude walked out the door of her bedroom. "Claude!" She got up after him.

But he was gone, the door slamming.


	4. Chapter 4

A few moments later, Alice got in the car, and drove to his apartment. She knocked on the door. There was no answer.

"Claude, it's me." she said softly. "Open the door."

There was nothing but silence. Then the door opened partially, the chain still attached, and Claude peered out at her.

"Claude," said Alice. "I...let me in."

The door opened to reveal Claude standing there. He made a show of stepping aside for her, and then closed the door. Alice looked at him.

"_Noblesse oblige_." said Claude derisively.

"Claude, don't." Alice looked down at the ground. She looked up. "I'm sorry."

Claude looked at her for a moment. She went over to him.

"I didn't mean to…hurt you. I just…." She sighed. "Sometimes, it's hard to get so involved with someone, knowing….thinking that they might not care about you for who you are. It's hard to tell the difference."

"But Alice," said Claude. "All this time, I've cared about you, and I didn't know what your brother did."

"I know." said Alice. She stepped over to him, and he took her hand. Wordlessly, he led her over to the couch, a threadbare plaid sofa.

"I'm sorry." Alice said.

"Are you truly repentant, Alice McNamara?" Claude said. "Are you chastened properly?"

"Yes." said Alice.

"Good." said Claude. Alice leaned her head against him. They sat there in silence.

"The truth is," Claude said, almost imperceptibly. "there never was any Abu Ben Shah Oil well. I made it all up."

"I thought so." said Alice.

"I mean," said Claude. "I told my brother-in-law and others that there was. But there wasn't any oil well. It was bogus. Spurious. A scam."  
>"Claude the Newbold." said Alice. "I'm surprised at you."<p>

"You shouldn't be." said Claude. "Those C-6000 vacuum cleaners were a cheap piece of shit."  
>"Well, I knew that." said Alice. "But I don't know how you could do such a dishonorable thing."<p>

"You grow up," said Claude. "and suddenly you realize that you're not the man you dreamed you'd be when you were a kid. And…you find yourself doing things that you thought were beneath you."  
>"It is beneath you to lie." Alice said.<p>

"I never meant to lie." said Claude. "But it was hard, finding work then, and…I became desperate."

"Desperation doesn't excuse subterfuge." said Alice. "But it's okay. We've all done things that we'd rather not have people know about."

"Once, I went around selling a weight loss powder. It was just some milk of magnesia laxative, but I had it in a fancy silver bottle, so it looked important."

Alice shook her head.

"And then, a few weeks later, this…corpulent man came knocking at my door. He said that the powder was worthless, and that he was going to give me what was coming to me. So I ran out of the apartment building through the back staircase, leaving everything but my wallet, and I went down to the train station, and took the next train. It went to Seattle."  
>"Sounds like a grand adventure." said Alice.<p>

"The point is," said Claude. "that's the sort of thing that I thrive on, just taking the next train, and heading for some unknown destination. Knowing that I'll be able to run away, if things get too precarious."

"Well," Alice said. "It'll catch up with you, one day. You can't run forever. What about children? You said you love children. How can you have any children if you keep running away?"  
>"I do want to have children," Claude said. "but I'm afraid of getting old, and never pursuing my dreams. Of becoming like all of those hopelessly dull, tired people."<p>

"You'll get old anyway, Claude," Alice said. "we all will. You don't want to be old and all alone, do you?"  
>"No." said Claude. "I don't."<p>

Alice looked down at her hands. "You don't want to run away from me, do you, Claude?" she said uncertainly.

Claude put his arm around her.

"I'd never leave you." he said. And Alice believed him.

One night, Claude and Alice were walking from dinner to the movie theater, when they spotted Ernest coming up the sidewalk.

"Ernest." Alice said in surprise. "What a surprise to see you in this part of town."  
>"Well, I like to walk down this way occasionally, Alice." said Ernest. "What about yourself?"<p>

Alice didn't believe him, but said nothing. "Oh, I was just about to go to the theater."

"So you're the fabled and revered Ernest McNamara." said Claude, extending his hand. "The tales of your bravery and cunning in the world of business are copious."

Ernest looked at his hand for a minute, and then took it. "Yes." he said. "Alice, I don't believe we've ever been formally introduced."  
>Alice pressed her lips together. "Uh…Ernest McNamara, this is my friend, Claude Newbold. Claude, this is my brother, Ernest."<br>"Honored to make your acquaintance, my good man." said Claude. "Such a name as yours must require tremendous resolve and great diligence to live up to. Ernest. Sincere, frank, straightforward. Have you ever by any chance read _The Importance of Being Earnest_?"

Ernest looked at him for a moment, and then smiled a kind of humorless smile. "No. It's…a little on the light side."  
>"Ah, I see what you mean. Good old Oscar Wilde hasn't quite caught on here in Texas." said Claude. "But I greatly admire a man with a name that possesses the bluntness that you only seconds ago displayed. Far better than my own, which has earned me the name Claude the-"<p>

"Claude!" Alice said abruptly. "Well, it's been great seeing you, Ernest. I think we're late for the movie. Perhaps we could get together another time."  
>Ernest was looking at Claude strangely. "Yes. I certainly hope we can." he said.<p>

"I know," said Alice later that night. "that he was there to spy on me."  
>"Are intelligence missions usually on your brother's busy itinerary?" said Claude.<p>

"Occasionally. He doesn't trust me. He thinks that I'm not to be trusted when it comes to running my own life."

"He did seem like quite the overbearing sort." Claude agreed. He was silent for a minute, and then he said. "I wondered…why you were so quick to cut me off earlier this evening. In front of your brother."

"Oh, Claude." Alice said. "Ernest doesn't…share the same sense of humor that we do. It's best that you don't make those kinds of jokes in front of him."  
>"Well, what would happen if I didn't? Would he melt into a puddle on the sidewalk? I know what a mess that would have made of your shoes, but don't you think that you could have stepped over it?"<p>

"Probably," said Alice. "But that really isn't the way to relate to Ernest. He likes more serious conversation."  
>"Well, next time, I'll be sure to brush up on my knowledge of oil dealings and perhaps the state of affairs in Red China." Claude said.<p>

"You do that." Alice said, smiling.

The next day, after getting off of work from the library, Alice drove to the corporate headquarters of McNamara Oil. After a short wait in the waiting area, Alice was shown into Ernest's office by his secretary.

"Alice. I didn't expect to see you today." Ernest said. "I hope you'll make it brief, because I have a conference call in thirty minutes."

"Oh, I will." Alice said. She sat in the chair. "I'd like to know what you were doing in my neighborhood last night."

"Well, I had no idea that I was breaking any trespassing laws, Alice." Ernest said, looking down at some papers on his desk. "But I must say that I'm disappointed at your odd choice of paramour. Disappointed, but not surprised. You've shown rather…avant-garde tastes in the past." He looked up at her. "Now Bill Mallory. I thought that you'd actually shown some sense when you dated him, but you let him slip through your fingers."  
>Bill Mallory had worked in management at McNamara Oil, and he and Alice had dated briefly.<p>

"I dumped Bill because all he cared about was money." Alice said.

"Well, concern about money is a sensible attitude, but you're right, Alice. This is 1985, and McNamara Oil is a progressive company. You don't need a husband to define you, and I don't need an up-and-comer undercutting me. But the point is that upon choosing the right partner…you need to show some more sense than you have previously."

"And Claude isn't a sensible partner?" Alice looked at him challengingly.

" 'Claude?'" Ernest laughed. "You mean that…nonentity you were at the movie theater with last night? Alice, surely you're trying to irritate me."

"I'm not." Alice said. "As a matter of fact, I think that he'd do very well here at McNamara Oil."  
>"As what, office clown?" said Ernest.<p>

"As a salesman." Alice said. "He'd do very well. He has a great gift of gab. You saw last night how witty he is."  
>"What you call wit," Ernest said. "the rest of the world would call schizophrenic babbling."<br>"You won't even give him a chance. You'd see he'd do very well." Alice said.

"Yes, well Alice, if you're through talking, I've got business to conduct here." Ernest said.

Alice saw herself out of the office, but resolved that their discussion wasn't over.


	5. Chapter 5

The month of August in Texas is always quite sweltering. For her niece, Suzanne's wedding, Alice chose a coral dress, with a relatively modest hemline.

Ernest had made clear what he'd thought of her choice of date to his daughter's wedding, and, for some time, Alice had had to think about whether she'd tell Claude about the wedding.

It had been a hard decision, but Alice had finally decided that she would not.

She had told Claude that she was going to be working late that evening.

"We have a new shipment of books coming in, and they need all the help that they can to get them all organized." Alice had said.

For once, Claude had been silent. "All right." he said finally. "Don't work too late."  
>The wedding had been a fairly moving, though less than modest ceremony. Suzanne was marrying Bob Carmichael, the son of a prominent Houston investment banker. Afterwards, a reception was held on the grounds of a nearby resort. Alice was seated at the bar, when Suzanne approached her.<p>

"Alice," Suzanne said. "I've been looking all over for you. I'd like you to meet Owen Hunter. Owen is an engineer for McDonnell Electronics, and a very dear friend of Bob's." Suzanne looked at Alice expectantly.

Alice smiled and looked at Owen, a heavyset man of about twenty-five, with wire-rimmed glasses. Alice dutifully extended her hand.

"Pleased to meet you." Alice said. "How do you do?"  
>"Pretty well, what about yourself?"<p>

"Very well. Lovely wedding, wasn't it?"

"Well," Suzanne said. "I'll leave you two to get acquainted." She walked away.

"Well," Owen said, clinking his ice back and forth. "Your niece is very nice, isn't she?"

"Yes," Alice said. "She is."  
>"I don't know her that well, but Bob and I attended Yale together. We were in the same fraternity."<p>

"Oh, really?" Alice said.

"Yes. I remember during our initiation ceremony all of the pledges had to run a race of no less than thirty feet after consuming a whole keg of beer."  
>"Really?" Alice said. "Did you know that, in the old days, those initiation contests were held to see who had the most valor and honor?"<p>

"I'm sure they were." Owen said. "But then again, nowadays, who could pass?"

"Indeed," Alice said. "Who could pass?"

Alice was on her way to the restroom just before the dinner was about to start, when Ernest accosted her.

"Ernest," Alice said. "Congratulations. It's a lovely wedding."  
>"It should be." Ernest said. "It cost me enough, I know that."<p>

"Yes." Alice smiled. "Well-"

"I noticed you talking to Owen Hunter." Ernest said.

"Yes. We had a nice conversation." Alice said.

"Good. That's good." Ernest said. "You know, Owen is involved in very important work at McDonnell Electronics. You know what they're saying. Computers are the future."

"I'm sure he is." Alice said.

"Comes from a good family, too. Yale educated." Ernest studied Alice. "Tell me, where did Clyde go to college?"

Alice sighed. "It's Claude, Ernest. Don't do this."  
>"Do what?" Ernest said. "I'm just making conversation."<br>"Sure you are." Alice said.

"I couldn't help but notice the absence of your young man tonight, Alice." Ernest said.

"He…wasn't feeling well." Alice said.

"There's no need to lie. You and I both know you're not naïve enough to think that a small timer like him would fit in here. You'd be doing him a disservice."  
>Alice glanced at her hands. "It's more complicated than that." she said sadly.<p>

"No, it isn't. Not really, because it would be the same way in every other respect, at every other event, down the line. You two don't have a future."  
>"It doesn't have to be." Alice said. "He could fit in, if he had a little practice. If you'd just give him a chance."<br>"Alice," said Ernest. "you're smarter than that. That simply isn't the way the world works."

Alice bit her lip, saying nothing.

"Well," said Ernest. "I have duties I have to get back to." He walked off, leaving Alice standing there. A breeze stirred the air, and Alice felt a strange feeling, a kind of combination of nausea and sadness. And loneliness.

The night air was thick and muggy after Alice got home from the wedding. She walked up the driveway, and took her keys out of her evening purse. She walked up to her front step, and was just about to put her key in the door, when she noticed a figure sitting on the steps.

Claude stepped out of the shadows. Alice looked at him, and crossed her arms over her chest, but she felt afraid.

"You know, Alice," Claude said, taking a step towards her. "I'd quit working at the library if they're going to instigate a dress code like that."

Alice folded her arms. She could smell alcohol, and she decided to take the self-righteous route. "You've been drinking, Claude." she said.

"I'll say. I must be really blotto, because I keep hallucinating that you're wearing an evening dress. Can you imagine? To stack shelves at a library. I must be as bad as Matt says I am."  
>"Okay, you've made your point, Claude." Alice said. She put her key in the door.<p>

"Where were you?" said Claude accusatorially.

"I was…I was at my niece's wedding, okay, Claude?" Alice pushed the door open, and went into the house.

"Oh?" said Claude. "With someone else, naturally."  
>"No." said Alice. "Alone. Claude, there's no need to make a big deal of all this, all right? I just didn't think that you'd be all that interested in a family wedding."<p>

"No. No, of course not. I wonder why. Could it be my shabby clothing? My lack of what you society types would call 'breeding', which sounds like a word you'd apply to a horse. 'The champion of the Kentucky derby had excellent breeding.'"  
>"Go home, Claude." Alice said sadly.<p>

"I may not have 'breeding', but I've got more class than any of those yahoos at your niece's wedding." Claude said. "Maybe you just didn't want to mention that I sell vacuum cleaners. That's all right. I understand about the awkwardness of these things more than you might think I would."

"Claude, we'll talk later. Just go get some rest."  
>"Don't talk to me in that patronizing tone of voice, and don't look at me in that superior way." said Claude. "You're no intrepid queen, Alice. You're just an entitled little princess."<p>

Alice was hurt, but her face remained impassive. "Out."  
>"You can't order me around, Princess Alice. I'm not one of your footmen. You may not realize this, but I'm not like all those men at that party you went to. I'm involved in deep intelligence. I've been to the edge of the Baltic sea."<br>Alice crossed her arms, and pointed to the door.

"I've smuggled precious jewels out of the Kremlin. I've done things your little society boys could never even dream about. Ever hear of the Faberge eggs?"  
>Alice's shoulders sagged. "You smuggled the Faberge eggs out of the Kremlin, Claude?"<br>"Don't laugh. I most certainly did."

"Yeah, well, I smuggled the White Rabbit's pocket watch out of Wonderland once. Can you top that?" Alice crossed her arms, and stuck her chin out at him.

Claude stepped towards her. Alice felt fearful. She shrank back.

"What's the matter with you, Alice?" Claude said. "Do you think that I'd hurt you?"  
>"I-I don't know." Alice said.<br>"Princess Alice." he said scornfully, and Alice stiffened.

"Maybe I could just say that you're the magnate of weight loss powder. It wouldn't be a lie, would it?"  
>"You little viper." Claude said. There was hurt in his eyes, but he advanced further toward her. He grasped her shoulders in his hands. Alice kept her back straight. He looked at her, his eyes sad, soft. Alice wavered, but she looked back at him defiantly.<p>

"You lied to me, Alice. You're a liar." He leaned his head on her shoulder. "They used to call me a liar. All the children in my neighborhood. They'd say that I wasn't really King Claude the Newbold. They'd say that I was just a big phony. They left me all alone. Even Hallie left me all alone, and it was so lonely, up in that tree house, even with all of my imaginary subjects..."

Alice frowned sadly, and stroked his back. "Claude-"

Claude put his mouth against hers, and kissed her, sloppily, sadly, and then with more force, scooping up her face in his hands, missing her lips several times, leaving behind the taste of alcohol and bitter hurt, but Alice did not care. Alice kissed him back, returning the kiss with tenderness and contrition, which only seemed to excite him all the more, and he kissed her insistently, determinedly, soaking her mouth in the process. Alice closed her eyes, accepting his acrimonious wet kisses, craving them, her desire for Claude so intense that she could hear herself gasping for breath, one strap of her coral evening dress knocked down completely. Alice felt a sudden deep loathing for Suzanne's frilly, extravagant wedding, and symbolically, her ostentatious designer dress, and thusly moved up and down furiously against Claude, wanting the thousand dollar dress to be wrinkled by him. She could hear him groan loudly, and suddenly became very aware of the effects of her preceding actions. She looked at him, excited by his arousal, and kissed him just as intensely, and dragged down his zipper. She hiked up the skirt of her evening dress, and could feel Claude tugging down her panties, backing her against the wall. Alice closed her eyes, and they moved together, the love between them, bitter, messy, full of hurt, but glorious at the same time, fervent, adoring, and neither of them would have stopped for anything in the world. As they made love, Claude was no less vociferous than he was the rest of the time, and Alice was no less enthusiastic in her responsiveness.

When it was over, and his groans subsided, Claude kissed Alice, first on the neck, and then on the lips, repeatedly, as though he could not get enough of her. Alice closed her eyes, and moaned softly, never wanting it to end.

Wanting to have him as close to her as possible, she put her arms around him as tightly as they would go, and kissed him gently, soothingly, rubbing his back.

Claude stopped kissing her, and stood still for a moment, leaning his forehead against hers, and in the stillness that followed, Alice could hear him breathing raggedly.

"Claude, Claude." murmured Alice gently. He wrapped his arms around, her, stroking her hair, and Alice put her arms around him even more tightly, and for a moment they stood there, completely still. Alice closed her eyes, savoring the closeness of it. But even in this moment, when everything seemed to have been all right between them, and after they had shared such a powerful, loving experience Alice knew that everything was not even close to all right, and that there was something that she needed to say, because she did love him, very deeply, and there was one more way, one much more important way, that she needed to express that love.

So she pulled away, and looked at him. "Claude," she said. "don't use me as an excuse to fall off of the wagon." She looked down at the ground, clasping her hands.

"Well," Claude said. "I don't have a problem with alcohol. I just liked to drink a bit much. I'd go on binges." He took a deep breath. "But isn't it just like a self-righteous little smarty such as yourself to point out others flaws. I suppose you and your fancy acquaintances didn't have anything to drink tonight."  
>"Claude, I was only saying-"<p>

"What about your oil mogul brother? How much did he have to drink tonight?"

"Claude, don't do this. I didn't mean-"

"I think," said Claude. "that I'll see myself out." He started for the door.

"Claude, don't go." Alice said.

"You know what I think, Alice? I think that you just do anything your brother tells you to do. You don't have the courage not to "

"Oh?" said Alice, feeling a feeling of impotent rage in that second, because she knew he was right, and Alice didn't like feeling weak. "As opposed to, say, the courage of Claude the Con Man? Fearless conqueror of the fat and gullible? Grand entrepreneur of weight loss drinks and fictional oil wells?" She saw that Claude looked stricken, but she barreled on. "By the way, I'd ask you to spell entrepreneur, but I don't think you have a chance in hell of spelling it right. Or Faberge, for that matter."

For a split second, Claude looked like he might cry. He just stood there looking at her.  
>"Fuck you, princess." he said, finally.<p>

Alice felt like crying. "Wait, Claude, I-"

"I don't want to be around someone who talks as you do." said Claude. "And I don't want to be around anyone who's going to be embarrassed by me."

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are, or why else would you go to the wedding without me, in the first place? You know, I don't think you're Alice the Intrepid at all. I think that you're Alice the Pusillanimous. Look that one up, and make sure that you spell it right."

And with that, he was gone.

The next Monday, at story time in the public library, Alice was reading _Peter Pan_ to a group of children, sitting on bean bag chairs, when she saw Claude again. She hadn't seen him all that weekend, though she had tried his apartment, the office of the C-6000 vacuum company, everywhere she could think of. But there was nothing. No sign of him.

Now he came in, and sat amongst the children, looking at her. Alice continued reading.

" 'Bold and cocky boy,' said Hook. 'prepare to meet thy doom.'." Alice intoned. Claude watched her seriously. The children leaned forward.

" 'Dark and sinister man,' Peter answered." Alice paused for effect. " 'have at thee.'."

Claude smiled as Alice continued reading. He sat forward and listening intently to her, same as they did, and every few lines, she'd look up from the page, at the children, and at him at the same time, never pausing. And as she watched him listening to her, she thought about how oddly like a little boy he looked, just like one of the children, sitting forward, absorbed in the story of the exploits of Peter Pan, and the Lost Boys, and Wendy.

And for Claude, whose absorption in the story was no less than it had been in his own childhood, except now it was fused with his affection for Alice, it was like hearing the story for the first time, it was as though Alice had always been the narrator, and he could not think of a time when Alice was not narrating that story, or any other, for that matter. As long as Alice was reading that story, in her dynamic voice, smiling a smile that was no less for the children than it was for him, time could stand still. As long as Alice read, everything would be all right.

After the story was over, Claude took off, and Alice was too busy making sure the children were dismissed properly to catch up with him. Awhile later, Cindy, a middle-aged librarian approached her.

"Excuse me, Alice." she said. "but there was a thin gentleman here in a hat, and he asked me to give you this." Cindy gave Alice a folded slip of paper.  
>"Oh. Thank you, Cindy." Alice took the paper, and unfolded it.<p>

"Alice," the note read. "You were right about the drinking. It was just an excuse. C.N."

"P.S.," the note read further. "I hope that this note is spelled to your satisfaction. I used a dictionary extensively just to write it."

Alice began to cry, right there in the nonfiction section of the library. Then she brushed the tears off of her face, and straightened up, because she was not about to have a meltdown here at work. She would save that for home. She glanced at the note again, and squinted at the bottom of it. She made out the words.

"_Ya tebya lyublu_."


	6. Chapter 6

Alice had gone to his apartment again, but he was not there. When she inquired to the heavyset landlady as to where he was, the woman said that he had paid the month's rent, and left, with a suitcase.

"Did he say where he was going?" Alice queried hopefully.

"No, dear." the landlady replied regretfully. "I'm afraid not."

Alice was inconsolable for the next week, and took a week's leave of absence from work. Phone calls came every day, some from the library, some from Ernest, some from the electric company, but never any from Claude.

She had called at the C-6000 vacuum company office to inquire as to whether Claude had left behind any return address, but the man there had snorted derisively. Alice didn't take that as a good sign.

"If you could please check," Alice said tentatively. "I really need to get in touch with him."  
>"Yeah, well, good luck with that." the man said. "He up and quit, without notice."<br>"That's Claude," Alice said apologetically, knowing she sounded a little foolish defending Claude to a man she'd never met, but not caring. "he can be a little unreliable, but…"  
>"You're not kidding." said the man. "In all my years in sales, I never saw a worse vacuum cleaner salesman."<br>"Hey, that's not his fault." Alice said. "Claude is a great salesman. Your products are just…well, not that great quality."

Alice felt even more depressed, until she had a thought. His sister. Her name was Hallie, but what was her last name? Alice tried to remember it. It was something that reminded her of clever, not clever, but…

Sly? Scheming? No, it began with a "C'. What was it?

And then she remembered.

Cunningham. Hallie Cunningham. In Pennsylvania.

It had been moderately difficult, getting a hold of the number, since there had been more than one Hallie Cunningham in the state of Pennsylvania, but at last, she had managed to locate the name and number of Claude's sister.

A female voice answered the phone.

"Hello," said Alice. "Um…May I please speak with Hallie Cunningham?"  
>"I'm sorry," she said. "She isn't here now."<br>"Oh." said Alice. "Um…do you know when she'll be back, by any chance?"

"She's at the grocery store, so she'll probably be back in about thirty minutes. Is it important?"  
>"Yes." Alice said. "Yes, it's very important, so could you have her call me back as soon as she gets home? Let me give you my number."<p>

So she did, and the girl wrote it down.

"Thank you." Alice said. She paused. She did not want to scare the girl, so hesitantly she asked her. "Are you…Louise?"  
>"Yes." the girl said. "I am."<br>"It's..." Alice said, but she could manage no more. "Let your mother know that there's a call for her, all right?"

"Um…all right." said Louise, sounding a trifle disconcerted. Alice didn't blame her. "I will."  
>"Thank you." Alice said, and hung up.<p>

About an hour later, the phone rang. Alice picked it up. "Hello?" she said.

"Hello," the woman said questioningly. "I was told that someone called here earlier, asking for me."  
>"Yes." Alice said, trying to sound as put-together as possible, even though at the moment she didn't feel very. "My name is Alice McNamara, and…well, I'm a very good friend of your brother."<p>

"Yes," Hallie said. "I believe that he's mentioned here in a postcard an Alice McNamara." Alice's heart leapt. She bit her lip, and comported herself with as much dignity as she could muster.

There was a rustling of papers. "Where is that darn thing…Matt, have you seen that postcard from Claude?"

There was a muffled response.

"Well," Hallie said a few minutes later, "It was in the coffee table drawer, would you believe that?"  
>"Oh. Well, um, Mrs. Cunningham," said Alice, not wanting to sound too familiar. "does he mention where he is?"<br>"Oh, no, but this postcard is marked Texas, if that helps."  
>"Texas?" Alice said. "Well, when did you get it, if you don't mind my asking?"<br>"Oh, about a month ago, I think."  
>Alice's heart plummeted. "A month?" she said. That meant that it was from before he left. He could be anywhere by now. The Baltic Sea, France, the African bush… Quickly Alice began to despair, but she pulled herself together.<p>

"Well, Mrs. Cunningham," Alice started, but Hallie interrupted her.

"Hallie, dear." she said. "If you're a friend of Claude's, you're a friend of mine."  
>Alice smiled, grateful. "Thank you, Hallie." she said. "But it's important I know, is that the last postcard you got from him?"<br>"I'm afraid so, Alice." said Hallie.

"And…do you get postcards, letters, anything, from him very often? Do you have any idea when the next one might arrive?"  
>"No, dear, I'm afraid I don't. We get postcards very…sporadically."<p>

Something about the way she said _sporadically_ made Alice want to smile, through her irritation, and she had the feeling that across the wires, hundreds of miles away, Hallie too was smiling through her irritation.

"Sporadically." Alice repeated, a lump in her throat. She sighed. "Well, can you tell me what it says? If you don't mind, of course."  
>"No, dear. I don't mind at all." said Hallie. "It says, 'Marcus the Newbold and Louisamanda,'." "Those are my children," she explained.<p>

"I know." Alice said, smiling. "He…he mentions them a lot." She bit her lip to keep from crying.

"Well," Hallie continued. "it says; 'Still here in Texas. The vacuum business is going well, although they say that nature abhors a vacuum, ha ha.'" Alice smiled. She could almost see the misspelled words, and she felt a longing so deep, it was almost like something tangible.

"Alice McNamara, my very dear friend, is doing well." Alice felt her eyes fill with tears at that designation. "Maybe one day, we will show up in ten gallon hats. Hope all is well. P.S. Does Tom have a _bonne amie_ yet? He is at that age, certainly." Hallie sighed.

"That's really nice," Alice said angrily. "but would you mind telling me how he expected an answer to that question, since he left no return address on the card?" She paused, realizing that she was voicing her irritation aloud. "Sorry," she added. "I'm angry with Claude, not you."  
>"It's all right," Hallie said, laughing. "I know the feeling. But I do wish that I could get in contact with him also, to tell him about Tom."<br>Alice frowned. "Tom?"  
>"Oh, he's all right now, so it doesn't matter. But two years ago, there was a terrible flood here, and my three eldest children were swept into the river. Marcus and Louise just had some cuts, and a sprained ankle, Marcus did, but Tom was swept in the bridge supports." There was a catch in her voice. "He was in a coma for three months."<br>Alice bit her lip. "I'm so sorry." she managed.

"Oh, it's all right. Tom awoke, you see, and he's all right now. Sometimes he still has trouble walking, but…" She trailed off. "He's all right now." she finished.

Alice was silent. She was thinking. "I can't believe it." she said gravely. "That whole time, that terrible thing happened to your children, and he wasn't there, Hallie."  
>"Well," said Hallie. "He didn't know about it, Alice. But he would have taken the first train down here, if he had known, Alice. I'm quite certain of that."<br>"I'm sure of it, too," Alice said. "but it just shows the end result of his rootless lifestyle."  
>They talked a bit more, and Hallie assured Alice that she would call her the next time a postcard arrived from Claude.<p>

It was four weeks later that Hallie called Alice again.

"Well, Alice," said Hallie, after they said hello. "this postcard is marked Illinois. No address."

Alice was glad to hear that some new information had been procured, even if it was by no means specific. "What else does it say?" said Alice.

"Hmmm. This is strange, very strange." Hallie said, almost to herself.

"What is?" said Alice, forgetting her self-restraint.

Hallie sighed. "Well, nothing, it's just that…well, forgive me for saying it, but there don't seem to be as many spelling mistakes as usual."  
>Alice felt tears rise, which were for her, a frequent occurrence lately. "What…what does it say, Hallie?" There was an edge of quiet desperation in her voice.<p>

"Well, it reads: 'Marcus and Louisamanda, I am here in Chicago, the Windy City. I am taking some classes currently, and am involved in the distribution of a product without which most humans could not function in their daily tasks.'" Hallie paused.

"He's selling appliances, I bet." Alice muttered. Then she brightened. Wait a minute…

Hallie laughed. "Probably. But it continues, 'I hope all is well with you two. I hope to come up there as soon as I am able. Every day, I feel a certain _mal du pays_ for your unparalleled, or rather _nonpareil_, home. Even the Leboff's house could never approach its allure, am I not correct?'."

"Claude," Alice muttered half angrily, her eyes filling with tears again. She sighed. "Well, if my hunch is right, he probably is selling appliances. Maybe, just maybe I have a thin hope of tracking him down."

"I certainly hope so, dear. It's about time someone tracked him down for once." said Hallie.

"Hallie," said Alice meaningfully. "I'm glad you called, and shared this information

with me. I really am."

It was a long, wrangling process, wrought with strife, frustration, tears of despair, bitter self-doubt, and wrenching self pity, as Claude would no doubt say, but Alice had managed to track him down, although with Claude's unreliable history of employment, it was very likely that it could change at any given moment.

After wracking up a phone bill of approximately a thousand dollars, Alice had finally managed to get a hold of a Maytag store in Chicago where a Claude Newbold worked. She had described him, just to make sure. Ordinary looking. Average height. Slender. Loquacious. Often speaks in flamboyant phraseology, especially in terms of knights and valor. May drop foreign phrases on occasion, especially Russian or French.

The woman there, Amy, had laughed, and said that yes, there was a man there by that name and description. Alice's stomach did a flip flop.

"But he isn't here right now," Amy continued. "You see, he doesn't work Saturdays."  
>"Ohhh." Alice groaned.<p>

"Would you like me to leave him a message?"  
>"Yes," Alice said darkly. "Tell him that an old friend said that the past will catch up with him, no matter how far he runs."<br>"Oh, my," said Amy. "Well-"

"You know what? Don't tell him anything. I don't want the little weasel to run again."

Alice took the next available train to Chicago, carrying only a small valise with her. When she arrived, it was ten in the morning. She checked into a hotel immediately, deposited her valise in the room, and left with the address of the appliance store firmly in her wallet. She had memorized it the previous night, so as to prevent disaster resulting from unforeseen circumstances, such as the wind blowing it away, which with her luck was a likely occurrence.

Alice took a cab to the store. After paying the driver, she got out of the cab, and headed towards the store. She looked in the window. At first, she saw nothing but rows of washers, and refrigerators. But then she saw him.

He was standing by a chrome-plated refrigerator, talking to an elderly woman with a very large purse. He was gesturing expansively, and the woman nodded, listening intently.

_He'll never change. _Alice thought fondly, but then remembered all that he had put her through. _Claude the Fraud._

Alice went in, and the door chimed. For a moment, Claude, still engrossed in his refrigerator soliloquy, didn't notice. But Alice stood there, looking at him, her eyebrows raised, and finally, he glanced her way.

Claude paused only a brief moment, but then returned to the woman.

When he was finished, Alice walked over to him. He looked at her, looking less than thrilled that she was there.

"Well," Alice said. "I see you're doing well here."

Claude looked at her. "I'm busy here." he said curtly.  
>Alice's moth fell open in mock surprise. "Well," she said. "Claude the Newbold. How discourteous of you. Aren't you going to do for me what you did for that distinguished older woman?" She looked at him, her head tilted.<p>

"What are you trying to do here, Alice?" Claude said. "You wouldn't want me to get fired, would you?"  
>"Fired? Oh, I don't think you have to worry about that, Claude. Amy, your manager, certainly seems quite taken with you." Alice clasped her hands. "Been giving her the old Newbold charm, huh?" She looked at him suggestively. "I know that you certainly gave me quite a bit of it."<p>

"You know, this is a family place. I think you should keep your voice low." Claude said, looking around.

"Well, if you don't want me to tell Amy and the whole store about some of our…intrepid adventures, I suggest you meet me as soon as you get off for lunch." She looked at him pointedly. "Or maybe instead I could just tell them about your grand exploits peddling phony weight loss supplements. Or that time you worked as a gigolo…"  
>"I most certainly did not work as a gi-" He looked at her. "If you're trying to blackmail me, you've crossed the wrong person, Alice. You could get yourself into a deep well of despair."<br>"That sounds real good, but it means nothing. What's to stop me from staying here, and having a chat with your girlfriend, Amy, about your…shall we say, questionable past?" She looked around. "Which one is she?"

Claude looked at her. "I do pity you, coming in here and making an absurd spectacle of yourself, so I will consent to play your warped game, whatever it may be, but don't think for a minute that I'm in fact afraid of you."

"Of course you're not." Alice said, walking out of the store. "Claude the Newbold fears nothing."

Alice was waiting for him, outside the store, when he came out.

"Well," Alice said, falling into step with him. "Where are you taking me, Claude the Newbold?"  
>"On an immediate and undeviating path to the sanitarium, my dear. Nowhere else." Claude said. "They have a private ward there that you can share with an exclusive and unique minded lot."<p>

"Will King Claude the Newbold be joining us also?" said Alice. "Perhaps you can find a few new tree house recruits. I hear some infirmary inhabitants love speaking in obscure and fictitious languages."

"You have sharpened your sword to a serration unfit for light sparring, Alice the Supercilious." Claude stopped on the sidewalk. "I should let you step into the busy onslaught of traffic, but I'll caution you to look around you before you proceed further."

Alice did, and they crossed the street, turning into a tree-lined park with a pebbled trail. They walked down the trail a ways, until they stopped at a picnic table. Claude stood beside the table, his eyebrows raised. Alice stood there, looking at him. Finally, Claude said. "Well, my dear Alice, I do hate to inconvenience you, but since it is evident that your watch is broken, our time is rapidly waning. So I suggest that you sit down, if you want to make whatever point you have come up with."

"You sit first." Alice said.

"I appreciate your concern for my well-being, Alice but as you know, Claude the Newbold would sooner expire than to seat himself before members of the nobility. You know that." He gestured towards the picnic table seat. "Come, come. I implore you to sit while the hour is still young."

Alice shook her head, irritated beyond all rational thinking. "You're full of horseshit, Claude." She sat down.

"Not by any means the first time that sentiment has been applied to me, in various forms." Claude clasped his hands, and looked at her. "Now, tell me what _esprit de __l'escalier_ you wanted to share with me. That's French, by the way, for 'wit of the staircase', or rather, that which you wanted to say, that you did not think of until the time was not expedient. But then, you knew that, I'm quite sure. Your tutor must have taught it to you. Or perhaps you learned it at a fancy boarding school."  
>"I did take French, actually." said Alice. "But right now, I'm trying to remember the French phrase for 'shut the hell up'. And yes, I know you've heard it before, and no, I'm not interested in how many variations you've heard of it." She looked at him.<p>

"Fine, then. I'll leave." Claude said.

"Oh, if you can't blab, you have no use for me, right?" Alice said.

"No, I already have no use for you." Claude said. "I don't want to be around you. I thought that I'd made that clear."  
>"No, you didn't. You never said that." Alice replied.<p>

"Well, I am now. We have nothing more to say to each other."  
>"Don't you want to know why I came here? Or even how I found you?"<p>

"As for the details of how you discovered my whereabouts, I have no interest. But as to why, I already know the reason."  
>"Oh no, I don't think that you do." said Alice shaking her head.<p>

"I do. The French have a phrase for it." Claude clasped his hands, and looked at her. "_Nostalgie de la boue_. Homesickness for the mud, as it were. You see, every once in a while, a person of royal heritage wants to distract himself or herself from their privileged life, and crawl in the mud, to be around the common class as a sort of trifling amusement, but more than that, for deeper reasons, they actually want to reassure themselves of their high standing in this world."  
>Alice was shaking her head. "You know, it's a wonder someone doesn't hit you." she said. "I feel sorry for you, babbling like that. I don't think that you actually know how you sound."<br>"Well, this just sounds like more of the same. Staircase wit. Thank you, but I don't care to cosset your craving for dilapidation."

Alice bit her lip. "Claude-"

"At any rate, I wasn't, as you so insultingly put it, babbling. It's the truth, that's all your interest in me amounts to. You are what is known as a dilettante. A dabbler. You dabbled in a relationship with a vacuum cleaner salesman because it amused you to do so, and truly, when it came down to brass tacks, as they say…." Claude trailed off, looking at the picnic table, and bit his lip sadly. For a moment, he just looked down at the table, an expression of infinite sadness on his face, and, looking at him, Alice never felt more terrible than she did in that moment.

"Oh, Claude." Alice said, her voice filled with sorrow, and with sympathy. She put her hand on his.

"And that's why you work at the library." Claude continued, deftly extracting his hand from hers. "You do so because it amuses you, and you know that it's…not what a normal person of your means does. Because it makes you feel superior to all the frequenters. In _A Clockwork Orange_, there was a product available called 'Milk Plus', which was, presumably, alcoholic milk, but in your case, you are a librarian plus. At least that's how you like to think of yourself, but you aren't really, not at all. You're no better than any other librarian."  
>"Claude…" Alice said. "I can see that…you're hurt, and you're ready, with guns blazing, to hurt me. But…"<br>"Oh, I was indeed hurt," said Claude. "very, very, hurt, Alice, but not anymore. Oh, no. It doesn't matter anymore."  
>"Are you trying to convince yourself?" Alice asked.<p>

"It doesn't matter anymore." Claude repeated.

"Why not? Because of your girlfriend?"  
>"What girlfriend?"<br>"Amy." Alice said.

"Leave us not be foolish, Alice. Amy is forty years old, and plain as a brown paper bag." said Claude.

"Old enough to be your mother, huh?" said Alice. "A full three years."  
>Claude shrugged. "Yes, she is. Claude the Newbold is in fact ageless."<br>"In all but the physical sense." said Alice.

"And you are in fact a vile personage, Alice the Vituperative, or Malice, for the purpose of ease on the esophageal muscles."

"Your esophageal muscles must be pretty worn out by now." said Alice. "How about giving them a rest?"  
>"Staircase wit, and I care not for it." said Claude.<p>

"Actually, it's current wit, and I think that it was delivered quite skillfully."  
>"No," said Claude. "it's staircase wit, because our dealings are over, and it's also staircase wit because you're here to finish the job you did during the Great Battle of Houston in 1985. You can't stand to not have the last word, Alice the Insecure."<p>

"Are you serious?" said Alice. "It's hard to tell. But I'll tell you this. It must take a practiced and gifted to liar to say what you just said with a straight face."

"Staircase malevolence." Claude said.

"No, seriously." said Alice. "Did I hear you saying that _I_ can't stand not to have the last word?"

"I did. And you know what, it doesn't matter why you're here, I don't care. I don't care at all."  
>"I'm here for the purpose of <em>nostalgie<em>_ de _"_Le __Bouche_"." said Alice, raising an eyebrow.

Claude smiled, and shook his head, looking at the table, forlornly. "Don't."

"_Grande. __Bouche_grande_._" Alice said, gesturing widely with her hands. "_Bouche_énorme."

"No. _Non._" Claude looked at her, shaking his head. "Your knowledge of my international aliases notwithstanding, Alice, I know what you're doing, and it won't be tolerated."  
>"What's that?"<p>

"You're here for no other purpose than to subjugate me, Alice. Truly, that is what you desire most of all."  
>Alice sighed. "Okay. You got me. That's what I want." She tapped her fingers on the table, thinking. "Truly, I really came here to tell you off. I never thought that I would find you." Alice took out and unfolded the note that he left her that day in the library. Claude glanced at it.<p>

"So?" he said. "I told the truth. I did use your betrayal as an excuse to drink."  
>"I know. I know you did, and you don't see me denying that it was a betrayal, do you?" Alice said. "And you were right, Claude, I was a coward. And…" Alice sighed, looking at the table. "And you were right. I hated that you said it, but you were right. I do tend to defer to my brother more than I should."<br>"The English speaking world has a saying." said Claude. " 'Money talks, and bullshit walks.'." He looked enormously pleased with himself, and Alice wanted to respond with a scathing put-down, but said nothing.

"Claude the Sophomoric, I don't think that applies. It's just that it's easier, sometimes, to give into pressure. But there's something you don't know." She sighed. "My brother has always been very progressive, and besides, he has no sons, so eventually he wanted me to take over. Suzanne is…not interested in business, to say the least. Anyway, I was going to do it. As he said. I majored in business in college for three years, until I…decided to go the other way. I changed majors, and I got a degree in library science."  
>"Speaking as someone with no diploma at all, I bow to you." said Claude.<p>

"Anyway," said Alice, nimbly ignoring him. "I stood up to Ernest, that time. Of course, he was less than happy, but as I'm sure you probably noticed, Ernest is never happy anyhow."  
>"But you're paying for it in spades. So there are other things you're willing to give up. And I was the sacrificial lamb you offered up to appease your brother's wrath."<p>

"Oh, please." said Alice, but she was in reality considering his words. She looked down at a fly on the picnic table. "I don't know."  
>"And you were embarrassed, as well. You'd feel ridiculous walking into to a high-society wedding with…a vacuum cleaner salesman. And what's more, you were afraid I'd open my mouth, with some arcane epigram, and scare some poo bah at said wedding." Claude looked away from her, and looking off in the distance, he said, "I'm not sure which hurts more. Claude the Pragmatic I am not, which is why all those years I've talked about making a fortune, I've never followed through. So, I just can't condone such behavior."<br>"I know. I don't want you to be. But Claude-"

"But Alice. It's all water under the bridge at this point. I was speaking in the past tense."  
>"Claude," Alice said, recalling Hallie's news. "There's something I need to-"<p>

"There's simply nothing more to be said." said Claude.

Alice looked at the slats in the picnic table, her mouth trembling. She grappled with herself, thinking what to say, how she would say it. Alice did not want to hurt Claude anymore than she already had before, and she did, most of all, not want to alarm him unnecessarily, Tom was two years recovered, after all, but not knowing would be even worse, Alice thought.

"Claude," Alice said. "If you loved someone very much, and there was a large elephant behind them, and you wanted them to know, but at the same time, it wasn't a terribly _dangerous_ elephant…" She noticed that Claude was looking at her as though she was crazy. "For heaven's sake, it's a metaphor."  
>"What exactly are you talking about, Alice?" Claude said.<p>

"I want to do the honorable thing. In every situation. But I'm not exactly certain of what that is in this situation. But I feel it only right to let you know firstly, that you are the biggest weasel, and coward I've ever seen, Claude. You skipped town on me."

"You hurt me, Alice."  
>"You hurt me, too. You said you'd never leave me, and you did. Clearly our relationship means nothing to you. And you've hurt so many people, Claude."<br>"And here I had hoped my career as a roadside strangler wouldn't come to light."  
>"Funny. Really funny. I'm talking about a little closer to home." Alice said.<p>

"How?" Claude said. "How did I hurt you? Tell me that, Alice?"

"Are you deaf? Didn't I just tell you?" Alice said.

Claude looked at the table. "I…you were…not the person I thought you were. And you still aren't."  
>"I have flaws, Claude, and you have to accept them. I made terrible mistakes. But you…." Alice looked at her hands. "I'm asking you to forgive me. Don't be so hard-hearted, Claude."<br>"I…we have different lives. To utilize a cliché, we come from two different worlds, kid."  
>"You're right. That's a terrible cliché. Claude, I'm not going to let you slip away from me again. I really…I really missed you." She looked down at the table. "And if you don't…if you're not swayed by what I'm going to say, then, you really have a heart of stone. But I think that you want to forgive me in the worst way, but you're just too darn stubborn to do it."<p>

"I…can't trust you." said Claude.

"Yes, you can, Claude, because that's what love is all about. Trust. And stability."  
>"I'm afraid you've got me there." Claude said, his voice laced with sad irony. "Stability."<br>"You can change, Claude." said Alice. "Heaven knows, I hope you can change, because…" She looked at him. "Claude, I'm …pregnant."


	7. Chapter 7

"How?" Claude said.

"Silly question. But if you mean exactly how, well, birth control has been known to fail before, Claude." Alice sat back, and exhaled.

Claude looked at her, and his face was a mask of anxiety, and misery. "Oh, Alice, I didn't know. Heaven help me, I didn't know, and you could have gone for years, Alice, years, without knowing where I was, and then you'd probably have married some iniquitous personage, and-"

Alice was looking up at the sky, nodding her head up and down. Claude looked at her, incredulous and infuriated. "Am I _amusing _you?" he said.

"Constantly." said Alice. "But Claude-"

Claude ran a hand through his hair harriedly. "And I'd come back, and the child wouldn't even know me, and I'd be ousted-"

"Do I hear violins?" Alice said.

"And then, your husband would probably shoot me, and I'd be taken to the hospital, and...the child wouldn't be allowed to visit…"

"Okay," said Alice. "Well, I'm going to go now, and let you live out your alternate life in peace, okay? It was a really long train ride." Alice got up from the bench. Claude snapped out of his tale of woe, and stood in front of her.

"Where might you be going?" he said.

"To the hotel. I'd like to get some rest."

"What about me?" Claude said.  
>"What about you?"<p>

"Well, what do you intend to do?" He was looking at her with intent concern.  
>"Well, I…no. It's pretty obvious what I plan to do. I'm keeping it, naturally. The question is though, what do <em>you <em>plan to do?"

"I plan to…I was attending classes in my spare time. At the community college."  
>"You were?" Alice said.<p>

"I was. I thought…I'd like to…to teach."  
>"You?" Alice said. Claude looked at her venomously.<p>

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Lofty as it seems, I think even a person as illiterate as me could at least make a stab at it." Claude rapidly rattled the words off in shocked indignation, and Alice felt frantic to correct the misunderstanding.

"Claude, don't call yourself that, even sarcastically." said Alice. "You didn't understand me. I only thought-"  
>"Leaving that frightful task to you, I suppose. You know, you, my pet, are abusive and demeaning in a manner so as not to be believed."<p>

"Claude. I only expressed doubt because you said before that teachers were horrible ghouls and witches, and the entire system should be abolished."  
>"Maybe I said that, but I thought about it, and, well, I thought that perhaps I could make it better. More fun."<p>

Alice sat down on the bench.  
>"Are you all right?" Claude asked with concern.<p>

"Yeah, I am. I just can't believe…"  
>"Maybe…maybe this is no more than one of my flights of fancy. Maybe I couldn't do it."<p>

"Claude Newbold, if you don't give it your most valiant effort, I swear I'll go out right now, and marry the closest thing to Captain Hook I can find-"

"Your concern on behalf of our unborn child is deeply moving, however, I'm still not entirely certain of how sound an idea it is."  
>"Don't you see, Claude? Of all your goals, this is the one that makes the most sense."<p>

"That doesn't say much for it. But you're right. I was being very small-minded myself, and lacking in imagination. All I could see was my own constricted vision."  
>"But Claude," Alice said. "you should only do this if you really want to, and not just to please others. I mean, if you want to sell Maytag appliances, if that's what makes you happy, then that's what you should do."<p>

"I don't. That doesn't make me happy by any means."  
>"Oh, Claude, I'm so sorry." said Alice. "For all the awful things I said. I didn't mean any of them."<br>"Didn't you?"

"No, I didn't. I love you, Claude, and, that ludicrous scenario you dreamed up notwithstanding, I really did think that I might never see you again. And then, when I realized that I was expecting, it was the most awful feeling, Claude, not being able to find you."  
>"I'm so sorry." said Claude. "I'm so sorry, Alice. If I had only known…"<p>

"I know." said Alice. "You couldn't have known, Claude." She touched his arm. "Claude…I'm not sure that you really care about me. I mean, you seem less than happy to see me here."

"I was grievously wounded. Why would I be happy to see someone who inflicted grievous wounds on me? Tell me that."  
>"Because I said I was sorry." Alice said.<p>

"And then you actually threatened my livelihood. You threatened to leak compromising secrets to my superiors. Should I be happy about that, too?"  
>"You didn't really believe I was serious, did you?" Alice said. "I just said that so you'd come with me. I never would have done it. You know that. But I'm concerned, Claude. I don't think that you really want me here."<p>

"Of course I do." Claude said. "I love you."  
>"Do you?" said Alice. "You never said those words to me before."<br>Claude looked at her, in surprise, and then laughed bitterly. He got up off of the bench.

"Claude!" Alice said in astonishment. She stood up after him. "What are you doing?"  
>"You're the librarian," Claude said. "but I can see you're unable to read between the lines." He walked off towards the trail. "I have to go back to work. You know where to find me."<br>Alice frowned angrily, mystified. "Claude! You get back here right now!" She was starting after him, when she noticed a wind blow a piece of paper sitting on the picnic table they had been sitting at. The paper fell to the ground, and Alice picked it up, and looked at it. It was the note that Claude had left her that day in the library. Alice crumpled it angrily, but then a realization dawned on her. She smoothed the note out, and reread it, all the way down to the very bottom of the note.

_Ya__tebya__lyublu_.

Alice frowned, lost in thought, when she noticed Claude watching her from behind a tree.

"Claude Newbold!" Alice said. "You scummy creep! How could you-"

"_Ya__tebya__lyublu_." Claude said, walking over to her. Alice put her hand on her hip.

"You were behind that tree the whole time!" Alice said. "You tricked me, making me think you were angry. You're a big fraud. Claude the-"

Claude put a finger to her lips. "Quiet." he said. "You don't realize it, but I made that piece of paper blow in your direction. If you anger me, I may not be able to control my supernatural aptitude."

Alice smiled, rolling her eyes.

"_Ya__tebya__lyublu_." Claude said. "Russian."

"Commie." Alice said, but she was smiling.

"In English-"

"I know." said Alice. "I've already figured it out."  
>"<em>Ya<em>_tebya__lyublu_." said Claude, putting both arms around her. Alice closed her eyes. Claude drew her close to him. "_Ya__tebya__lyublu_." he repeated, putting his lips against her cheek. Alice returned his embrace, stroking his back gently.

Claude drew back, and looked at her. "Alice," he said. "What you said earlier about the tree house language, and your inference that it signaled insanity-"

"I didn't mean it." Alice said. "I was annoyed with you."

"I know. But, you know, all these years, I haven't been understood by anyone, it seems, even my sister Hallie thinks I'm not on the up and up. As right as they might have been, you never thought so." He took her hand in his. "And, well, Alice the Intrepid, I think it's because, in these years since the tree house kingdom, you're the only one who understands my language."

Alice smiled at him, her eyes filling with tears. "Well," she said, putting her arms around his neck. "it's because…" She whispered the words into his ear.

"_Ya__tebya__lyublu_."

**End**


	8. Chapter 8

On a mild summer day in Pennsylvania, Alice and Claude stepped from the train onto the platform.

Alice looked around at the town. "What a quaint town." she said.

"If by quaint you mean antiquated, then yes, it is a quaint town." Claude said.

"Claude!" Alice said. "That isn't very nice."  
>"Ah, but the truth is never very nice, now is it?" said Claude.<p>

"It is a nice town." Alice said.

Pushing the stroller, they walked the three blocks from the train station to the Cunningham's house.

"Well," Claude said on the doorstep. "Are you nervous, Alice? Feeling a touch jumpy, skittish?"

"Nope." Alice said, squeezing his hand. "But then, I've got you here, so why would I be nervous?"

"That's right. Why, you may not even have to speak at all, if I have my way." He pressed the doorbell.

After a minute, a red-haired teenage girl answered the door. Claude looked at her in astonishment.

"Oh, dear, I must apologize. I do think that I have the wrong house. We'll be on our way, and let you get on with your busy routines. Come, Alice." He turned towards the street. Alice smiled, and bit her lip.

"Claude." said Louise.

"You know my name? My goodness, what a surprise, because I don't recognize you at all." He peered at her intently. "My goodness, but you couldn't be Louisamanda. Obviously, the Cunninghams have taken off for parts unknown. How sad, because we came such a long way to see them. Oh, well. _Tant__pis_, it can't be helped."

"You know, Uncle Claude," said Louise. "Aunt Florence and Aunt Jeanette usually just say, 'My, how you've grown.' It saves time." But Alice saw her smile.

"Time? Time for what?" said Claude. He looked over at Alice. "My goodness. In the time it took for me to recover from my shock at your remarkable transformation, poor Alice has just been standing here stagnating. Another minute, and she'd surely have been turned to stone, and then what would you do with an Alice statue on your driveway? This is the wise bookkeeper, Alice. Alice Newbold, as it were."

Alice smiled, and held out her hand for Louise to shake. "Hi." she said, smiling. "I've heard quite a bit about you."

"Nice to meet you, Alice." Louise said. "We've heard about you, too."  
>"But I'm certain it didn't do her justice, whatever the descriptions were, <em>n'est-ce<em>_ pas_?" Claude said. Louise smiled.

"But do you recall, Louisamanda, that I once told you that I would come bringing priceless and fragile treasures?"  
>"Yeah." Louise said. "I remember that, Uncle Claude. The Faberge eggs."<br>"Well," said Claude. "I'm afraid I don't have any Faberge eggs today, Louisamanda. But I do have a treasure here that is beyond price, and he is certainly very fragile, so you must handle with diligent care." He gestured towards the baby carriage, and pulled away the shade, to reveal the sleeping infant. Louise looked in the carriage, and smiled with enchantment at the baby.

"Oh, Uncle Claude, he's so beautiful." Louise said.

"Thank you, Louisamanda, and since you have expressed such a high opinion of him, you may have him." He looked at Alice. "Not forever, naturally. Alice and I might be attached to him."

"Maybe a little." said Alice, smiling. "But you see, Louise, your uncle and I thought that you should be the first to hold him."

"Because I admire a Frenchwoman such as yourself, Louise." said Claude.

"Really?" Louise said.

"Yes." Alice said. She undid the fasteners in the stroller, and carefully, she scooped the baby out of the stroller. Gingerly, she handed the baby to Louise. Louise smiled at the sleeping baby.

"Oh, Claude. He's…" Louise looked at the baby. "Priceless."

"Indeed he is, Louisamanda. Indeed he is." Claude said. "In fact, so invaluable is he, that we really ought to go in, and let the others see him."

"You're right." Louise said. "We should."  
>And the four of them went into the house, where the others were waiting.<p> 


End file.
